I’ve recently realised that I am a classic people pleaser.

I was conditioned to be a good girl, to make sure I don’t upset anybody and to put other people first. These are certainly good values to have, but as you get older and your priorities change; these instilled beliefs and behaviours can be at your own detriment.

Do you care too much about what other people think of you? I really do! It’s difficult to recognise behaviours that can hinder you, especially when you’ve been thinking that way for most of your life.

Since having children, my mindset has massively changed. It has been a huge learning curve for me, as it is for most Mothers.

Because as a parent you are already giving so much, it’s really so important to reserve the little energy and time that you do have left for yourself.

Now I know lines can be blurred here as I’m not talking about stopping yourself from being a kind, caring, thoughtful person. We need more kindness in the world and small acts of kindness can really turn someones day around.

I’m talking about to committing to things that you don’t really want to do or have the energy for because you are afraid to say no.

You are afraid to let people down. You are afraid to go back on your word, to be seen as ‘flaky’, to miss out or risk losing friends from your life. You are afraid that you can’t keep up with this crazy fast-paced 24/7 world where everyone’s highlights are constantly show-cased on social media and you wonder why the hell you can’t fit as much in as Claire from Baby Sensory class.

One of my favourite analogies of parenting is that is is a season on your life. Having very young children is an intense, often sleep-deprived and physically exhausting season. So you really do need to take care of your physical and mental reserves.

I have really gotten into the whole self-care revolution, which I know has become a bit of a buzz word over the past few years. But there is a reason for that, it’s because it’s not a luxury it’s a necessity.

Without feeding our own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs; we will simple burn out and run on empty. We may become resentful and behave passive aggressively because we feel depleted and unhappy.

I’m not even talking about lavish expensive self care such as a spa day or a weekend away with your friends (although these are great ideas if you have the opportunity and can afford it?) I’m talking about small, every day acts of self care. Saying no to that third playdate that week because you have errands to run or you simply want a chill day at home with your baby. Taking a long hot bubble bath after the kids have gone to bed instead of cleaning the house (one of my personal favourites!) Preparing yourself a tasty, healthy meal and taking the time to sit down and savour it mindfully whilst your baby naps instead of doing yet another house chore. Allowing time to pause and read a good book with a lovely (hot!) cup of tea either at bedtime (make it decaf!) or during nap time/ whilst your husband/ parent watches your child.

Taking time to write/ draw/ create/ exercise/ do yoga; whatever your jam is and whatever feeds your soul instead of doing the things that can wait.

Making it a priority to get to bed early.

Respecting yourself more and believing you are worthy of showing yourself kindness and care. Knowing that you will be a better and healthier Mother for it.

Not being afraid to cancel those plans with someone if you’ve had a few terrible nights with your baby and want a pyjama day. If they are really a friend they will understand and if not then it’s no real loss from your life.

Not feeling the need to keep up with the Jones’ and attend every social event that you are invited to. Keeping your circle small and close and saving your free time and energy on those that really care for you and have your best interests at heart.

By taking care of yourself and reserving your energy; you can give the best of yourself to others.

Do you find it difficult to put yourself first? Are you good at setting boundaries?